Bible Studies for Life Sunday School Commentary for the week of May 17, 2009
Abigail: Living with a Difficult Husband (Spouse) 1 Samuel 25:1-42
A sad but significant part of my pastoral ministry has included ministering to marriages in trouble. It is a sad fact that many times God’s children do not reflect His characteristics in their family relationships. Disagreements arise, harsh words are spoken, belligerent actions are taken, and turmoil is the inevitable result. Perhaps you live with a difficult spouse. How does a person cope?
Our bible story for this week is truly a story of beauty and the beast. Abigail and her husband Nabal are completely different people. We are told that she was intelligent and beautiful, but that Nabal was harsh and evil. Why do kind and gentle people pair up with harsh and domineering mates? Social theorists likely have many differing opinions concerning such marriages, but one fact remains: they happen. Frequently. Perhaps one sees another, more private side of the other, and is drawn to those favorable characteristics that others do not see. Surely if Abigail were truly an intelligent woman she would not blindly marry a fool (Nabal means, literally, fool). Of course, in their day marriages were arranged. Abigail may have had no influence whatsoever in choosing her own mate. However, I would question my parents’ wisdom in promising me in marriage to a man whose name means fool!
As the story unfolds we see that Nabal is a wealthy man. He is shearing sheep and preparing for the sale of the wool, which would bring much money. It was a time of celebration and generosity. Servants would be rewarded for their faithful service to the master. David, destined to be king, but at this time on the run, is hiding in the hill country with a band of armed men. As a neighborly gesture, he and his men watch over the herds of Nabal to protect them from harm from robbers, predators, etc. At shearing time, David naturally expects that the owner will reward he and his men for their services. Instead Nabal acts true to his name and his nature by insulting David and his men and sending them away empty-handed. As you may imagine, David was furious and commanded his men to gird up for a slaughter.
When Abigail receives word of her husband’s boorish actions, she takes redemptive actions of her own. She gathers a large gift of provisions and delivers them to David along with her apologies for her husband’s lack of gracious hospitality. How many times has she had to repeat such actions? How many times in the past has she been embarrassed, belittled, harassed, insulted, and ashamed? We are never told the full extent of Abigail’s life-long ordeal with Nabal, but many can identify with her plight.
Many husbands and wives cry themselves to sleep each night over their spouse’s cruelties. Many wonder why they even stay, and if holding out any longer is in their best interests. Love, promises, convictions - all are strained to the limit when abuse, neglect, and shame are the daily diet. This article cannot even begin to offer answers to questions concerning when to leave and how long to say. But let’s examine Abigail’s story and learn from her.
Several important things stand out. First, when her husband caused trouble by his obtuse behavior, she acted with humility and grace. Although her husband possessed none of the social graces, she was wise in the ways of dealing with people. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1.
Second, she did not make excuses for her husband’s actions. When speaking with David, she readily admitted Nabal’s actions were evil. We cannot condone the sin of others, even when we love them the most. Making excuses for our loved ones only breeds anger in those they have injured, and gives our errant loved ones license to continue their sinful actions.
Third, she gave glory to God and acknowledged Him as she dealt with David. God was in charge of her life and David’s life as well. He was Lord of both. She used God’s wisdom in dealing with David, and appealed to him to emulate God’s character as well. Because of her initiative and discernment, a deadly encounter between David and Nabal was averted.
Fourth, she wisely knew when to confront her husband, and when to wait. When she returned from speaking with David, Nabal was drunk and in no condition for intelligent conversation. she waited until a more opportune time. “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Proverbs 25:11. How many bad situations were made worse when spouses explode in anger with harsh words? These kinds of reactions build more barriers instead of tearing them down! Knowing when to speak, and when to refrain from speaking, is as important as knowing what to say.
As is evidenced in her words and actions with David, Abigail trusted her future to God. She willingly followed and honored Him even in a difficult marriage relationship. As a result, God honored her faithfulness. He delivered her from her wicked husband Nabal, and David knew a good woman when he saw one! She became his wife.
This article may find you in the middle of trying circumstances. Your spouse may have caused you to endure countless heartache, shame, fear, and pain. You may struggle with staying every moment of every day. Look to the example of Abigail and know that the God who loves you sees all your travail. He waits to give you His comfort and peace, and maybe even His deliverance. Acknowledge Him in every way and surrender to Him completely in every way. Trust Him with your present and your future. He is Lord of all circumstances, including the impossible ones.
